Just as I was starting to get really anxious about Bee’s paperwork ever arriving, it went and showed up at my local agency this afternoon. I am so, so, so relieved that the final piece of the homestudy pie is DONE, and my social worker is probably so relieved that she doesn’t have to field my emails about the matter anymore.
Once L forwards that on to our placement agency, we should then be finally, officially approved as pre-adoptive parents. Like, for real this time.
One more time, for good measure, yaaaaay!
This winter, my old college roommate Heather took a belated honeymoon to Peru with her new husband. This guest post will be part of a series that she writers about her travels. The following words and images are © Heather Kork. First stop: Lima!
When I was in middle school, my Spanish class had a project where we chose a South American country to present to the class. For some reason I had gotten into my head after painstakingly drawing and cutting out the country that I should make a topographical map by melting crayons. Through this extremely traumatic experience (this was over twenty years ago and I still remember this project), I discovered that Peru has a ridiculous amount of variety for such a small country. My brown wax Andres peeked next to the smooth green rainforest with the yellow Pechura desert along the side. It was a good thing I had a lot of crayons.
My husband and I arrived in the airport in Lima at 6:00 AM with him having slept in the plane and me being convinced we were going to crash any second the entire time. He was tired, but conscious, and I was moving with the power of airline coffee. As soon as we stepped into the main terminal we were accosted by taxi drivers jostling for our business. I’d like to say we used my Spanish skills to pick the best, least shady bargain but in truth we just picked one at random and hoped. Despite having taken over 4 years of Spanish, communicating was still very difficult. I could still basically say what I needed to (where is the bathroom, my name is Heather, this is the fish of my brother Raoul) but I completely lacked the ability to understand what was said back.
As we drove through Lima on the way to our hotel, I watched the city pass by through a haze of sleepiness and excitement. Lima is a major city in its own right, and like all large cities it is a study in contrasts. Parts of the city were very old, traditional Spanish style buildings next to flashy casinos and soda kiosks (Red light? Buy an Inca Cola!).
And we are, you guessed it, still in adoption limbo. Our homestudy should have been approved by our placement agency back in January or so, but it turns out that we were missing a clearance from Washington, DC, which is where Bee used to live and work. He had already filled out the forms for that ages ago, but the results never arrived and he had to redo them. We are now twiddling our thumbs and waiting for the new ones to get to the agency, but they don’t seem to be in any great hurry.
Until the clearance comes through, there’s not a whole lot else that we can work on, aside from gathering yardsale items for our big fundraiser sale next month. The tough part for us is that this delay makes it more and more likely that we won’t be able to request more information about the twins we’re so smitten with. So far as I know, the boys haven’t been matched to anyone yet, but I imagine they will be assigned to a family before we can take our next steps with the dossier and paperwork.
I’ll be really glad for them if they find a loving family, even if that family isn’t us, but I still think about them all the time and wonder how they are. Fingers crossed that we can take the next steps sometime soon—this mama-to-be is getting very antsy to continue onward in the process.
This past weekend, I went to a party celebrating the first birthday of my friends’ son. The little babe of honor was awfully pleased with all of the attention from his family and friends, and I loved seeing how proud and happy his parents were.
I want that, kiddos, for me and for you. I want to have you home, to celebrate milestones big and small with you both. I want to see your faces light up when you see all of the people who love you and who are ready to celebrate and support you. It’s weird for me to go to these kinds of occasions now because I can’t help but wonder what it will be like when it’s your turn to ring in birthdays and graduations and holidays and milestones. I can’t help wondering when it will be my turn to be the proud beaming parent watching her children dig into layers of frosting and wrapping paper.
A lot of people asked me about the adoption while I was at the party, and though I didn’t have any news to give them, I was still happy to be asked, to be acknowledged as a future mother. Sometimes, during this itchy twitchy period of waiting (and waiting and waiting), it’s hard to know that the wait will come to an end.
One day, hopefully not too far away, you’ll both be here with us, and the waiting will feel like a distant memory.
We love you around the world and back,
Mama and Daddy
I don’t like waiting, but I am getting really good at waiting.
A Love Like No Other, compiled and edited by Pamela Kruger and Jill Smolowe, is hands-down one of the best adoption books that I have read (and I’ve read quite a few so far!).
This book offers up essays written by adoptive parents who come from a variety of different walks of life. Some are older, some are single, some divorced, some gay. Some adopted internationally, some domestically, some from foster care, some have biological children as well. Some have open adoptions, some don’t know who their children’s first parents are. Literally every kind of adoptive parent is represented in this collection, and their writing is beautiful across the board.
More than all of that, though, I appreciate the honesty that rings through all of the pieces. Adoption is a complicated path sometimes, and these writers don’t shy away from the difficult issues that can come along with that. At the same time, the writers don’t shy away from the wonderful things that can come along with adoption too, despite the difficulties. All in all, they paint a very fair and objective picture of their experiences, and I found some more authors to try out, like Melissa Fay Greene and Dan Savage.
My latest book order just came in, so here are the books I’m planning to dig into this month while we wait (and wait and wait and wait):
Just days after I received a letter from his mother, I also received a great one from Ronaldo himself!
In his letter, he tells me that he is well and that his family was able to purchase a lot of things that they needed with the Christmas money that I sent to them through World Vision: shoes, clothing, and food. He also included a picture that he drew with the colored pencils I sent him a few months ago and, best of all, a photograph of him with his mother.
I love hearing from this sweet little guy and his family. Nothing beats getting real letters in the mail, and I hope that I’m making a positive difference in his life.